When People Say Theyll Pray for You and You Know They Dont Pray

Atheists: Responding To The Christian Phrase "I'll Pray For You" February 20, 2015 Martin Hughes

Then you've simply been told. "I'll pray for you!"

And you're non really certain how to respond in this situation. Mayhap you mutter a "thanks" and feel like a dufus as you lot walk abroad, wishing at that place was something more clever you lot could've said. Or maybe the context was different – the person was being sincere, and y'all want to say you appreciate the thought even though you don't agree with it. But you're not certain how you should discussion that sentiment or if you should even express it. Then maybe you say something that didn't quite fit to your satisfaction in that instance, either.

Before going any further, I should land that it'south trendy, specially among lifelong atheists or those who accept been atheists for a long time, to say that you shouldn't feel angry about the faith yous came from (in this case, Christianity) — then someone saying "I'll pray for y'all" in any context should exist no big deal. On the other end, I know some of these atheists who aren't angry are probably reading this carefully to see if I am endorsing a position of anger towards well-meaning Christians — an endorsement that is probable to alienate some atheists who claim they only don't experience angry at the organized religion they came from.

I'one thousand going to say – y'all owe it to yourself to be honest almost your feelings here. If you lot're angry almost Christianity (every bit I often am) y'all owe it to yourself to admit that to yourself and figure out how to best limited your honest feelings to other people. If you're less angry and more than diplomatic, or even apathetic – and so you can admit where you are on that spectrum, also, and act appropriately.

Considering atheists have such a broad range of reactions against religion, in that location isn't a unmarried ane-size-fits-all-people-and-situations strategy. And then I'm going to offer several possibilities to assist you out. Knowing where y'all fall in the continuum volition assist you know how to respond – non only to phrases like "I'll pray for yous" but other Christianeze staples, likewise, like "Why are you lot and so angry at God?" "How's your heart?" "Maybe you just need to humble yourself?" "You must have a secret sin in your life/ You just desire to sin" and then on.

OK, let me go over some possible scenarios.

Scenario i: The sincere "I'll Pray For You" in reference to a tragedy

You're at a funeral, bawling your optics out considering your begetter died. Your teenage niece comes upward to you, reaches out and touches your shoulder consolingly, and hesitates equally she looks for something to say. She looks at yous a long time, and she knows you're an atheist, simply she cares about you lot deeply and this is, by necessity, a very religious moment for her, and she'southward torn. So she says something because it'south improve than saying nothing at all, and it'southward the only thing she tin think of to say in this context. "I'm then distressing. I'll pray for yous." How should you lot respond?

Best response

Regardless of how aroused yous are equally an atheist, the all-time response is probably a elementary "thank you." Even if you don't hold with her beliefs, chances are yous capeesh the sentiment, regardless of how angry at religion you are. And you're not lying or being quack – you lot probably honestly capeesh the thought and the care she'due south expressing for you. It'south a lovely moment betwixt you and her – just something she said to make a cute relationship moment happen between you – non something she did to insult y'all or brand yous upset. And you can, probably, embrace that moment without assertive in God.

(Note: If you lot're one who tends to be angry at organized religion and someone says "I'll pray for you" with an intent that is less than this innocent afterwards and brings this moment upwardly as proof you should exist OK with it – yeah, these scenarios exist, particularly in families – hash out the differences in intent and specific contexts in your rebuttal – the previous paragraph may give you some pointers.)

Scenario two: The genuinely concerned for how you'll get along as a nonbeliever "I'll Pray for You."

Someone who thought you were a Christian finds you aren't. They seem disturbed and surprised, and you guys have a ceremonious five-ten minute or and so conversation most it. They're obviously concerned. At the end of the chat, they say, "I'll pray for you."

Possible Response

"I'grand OK."

"I don't need prayer" may be more than annoying than you lot want to be, and "I'm OK" basically communicates the same sentiment, anyway. It also reinforces the fact that your relationship can continue – no one needs to pray to make yous "OK"; you lot're already at that place. It's short and to the point, and can easily be said at the end of a conversation, every bit the person's walking away, without seeming rude. Also, "I'll think for you" (some other frequently-suggested response) may be more abrasive than necessary for the conversation, and it probable won't annals in the person'due south head if their primary idea is "I want you to be OK." Saying "I'll call up for you" also focuses the conversation on the other person, underlining what separates you instead of what unites you. Saying "I'm OK" is unifying and nullifies the "I'll pray for you" sentiment. Finally, maxim "I'm OK" here opens up a door for you to see the other person'southward intentions – their response back can show y'all whether things are cool equally far as they're concerned, or whether they're intent on letting you lot know you lot're non "OK" enough to exist friends with.

It's two words, but I retrieve they're fairly effective here.

Scenario 3: The rude "I'll Pray For You."

Someone knows you lot're an atheist, and you're in an argument with that person that is filled with insults from them well-nigh how arrogant yous are, how much yous demand God, how ignorant yous are, that you're in danger of going to hell, etc. You make a fairly potent point and they leave the conversation – and, in their parting words, they say, "I'll pray for you lot" but information technology feels similar "Fuck You."

Possible Responses

If yous're apathetic or insistent on being a passive atheist, yous might think the all-time response here is to simply say, "I'chiliad OK." And that's you're selection; you tin can practise that.

However…that might not, exactly, reflect your honest feelings.

Hither are some more confrontational responses with their probable reaction.

1. "Why?" or "Why would you tell me that?" or a similar question tin continue the conversation, if the person used "I'll pray for you" to cease the chat and you want to go along it going. "Why" leads to a conversation on the meaning of prayer if the person wants the insult to stick. "Why would yous tell me that?" shows that the announcement is unnecessary, and yous can, from hither, printing home the point that they told you considering it's about humans trying to convince each other; it has nothing to do with God.

ii. "OK — if yous desire to talk to yourself, that'due south your deal" or something like. This shows you don't value their judgment much more scenario two's suggestion — information technology's an insult that effectively separates your viewpoints. Sometimes, such a contend may be useful.

three. A uncomplicated chuckle and a "you lot practise that" tin can exist dismissive and exercise the fox without ruining the vibe of a dinner party. I find this short, sweet, and effective in communicating that prayer does nix for you and asserting your ain stance without strongly attacking the other person.

Note: Ofttimes, Christians country that the phrase "I'll pray for you" makes atheists angry considering atheists actually secretly believe in the power of prayer, but there are more plausible possibilities.  For my earlier blog post that I wrote to help Christians understand WHY Atheists become angry at the phrase "I'll Pray For You," click here: 7 Reasons The Phrase "I'll Pray For Y'all" Makes Atheists Angry

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Source: https://www.patheos.com/blogs/barrierbreaker/atheists-responding-to-the-christian-phrase-ill-pray-for-you/